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Dang it's been a while since I last wrote. Life has been hectic. I have been busy with school, work and an internship over the last several months, as well as searching for another job more closely related to my field of study (Insurance Billing and Medical Coding). Due to all of this craziness, I have not read a book in months :( I have a stack of magazines that I am trying to get through as we speak including Time, Sports Illustrated, Good Housekeeping, Ladies Home Journal, Reader's Digest, and weirdly enough, Vogue. Vogue is ironically one of the magazines that I did not subscribe to, but just started receiving (I wonder if my sister has something to do with it). I figure since I'm getting it, I might as well read it and try and get something out of it. I have also been working on losing weight, which may have made Vogue more interesting to me in a fashion sense. Although 20 lbs less, every time I put on a dress, it still looks like a garbage bag. My goal is to start trying to get into a normal schedule once I can find a steady job again, hopefully soon. Once that happens, I can catch up on a lot of my reading and hopefully get back into reading books. I have had a lot of recommendations lately that I just haven't had time to look into, but I am always looking for the next great book. Not only that, but I'm hoping that I can start writing more in here. Plus, I'm thinking of looking at publishers and submitting some of my poetry to see what they would think about me publishing my own book of it. My fictional creativity for a book has been lacking, so I haven't really focused on it as much as I would like to, but maybe someday I'll come back to it. Until next time...

Feelings

Feelings seem to be some confusing most days. Not knowing how to feel about people and situations. Feeling betrayed, alone, yet strengthened. I used to escape into books to avoid dealing with my feelings. Lately, I haven't had that luxury. School and work keep my pretty busy, yet I always seem to have time to read something every day - whether it is just a magazine, or my textbooks. I seem to have time to let my mind take control and I start thinking : over-analyzing : feelings and people that I am involved with. My relationships with people and where we stand. I can't seem to make myself stop. I am constantly trying to figure out what I did wrong or how we ended up in this place. Wishing that it was a different time and we were in different positions in our life so we could see what would happen. But alas, we are here. We are making choices and mistakes and trying to figure out what we are going to do to make sure that we don't break. At this point though, I feel broken. I feel like it is going to take a while to heal and trying to keep it together in front of those around me is hard. Trying to solve my feelings. Feelings....they really are confusing most days.

Another Book Down

So as I was listening to Heart's "Alone" today on Pandora, I was reminded that Charter (a local cable company) offers a karaoke channel. I didn't know this until yesterday, but my boyfriend decided that it would be a good idea to tell me. That may not have been the smartest thing...I am always singing karaoke on youtube and singing whenever I'm listening to Pandora (although this past week, I sound like Elmer Fudd while trying to do so). While this karaoke channel does cost money (I think he said something like $7 a month), it may just have to be something that I look into checking out for a little bit. Might have to see if it's awesome or not.

So I recently finished a book called "The China Garden" by Liz Berry. The book takes place in Ravensmere, a British estate (made up of course) where a young woman named Clare finds that there is more to her life than she ever imagined. Having found that she has psychic powers that she had only experienced a couple of times before, she finds that there is a family history in this place that she has always been destined to continue, without ever knowing about it. This book brings you into a beautiful place while feeling like you could be part of the story. After I finished reading this book, it dawned on me that this could be turned into a great movie -- at least in my mind. But as we all know, not all books that are turned into movies really do justice to the story. So for now, I'll enjoy the imagery that I have created in my mind. Definitely a good read - I think that this is probably a book that I got when I was a teenager that I just never read before. You'll notice that sometimes, I do enjoy reading books that are geared towards teens. I think that the writing can be just as good and that there is something about those books that can take us back to a time and place when things were possibly less complicated.

Peace and Love!

Week 5 over

So obviously I didn't follow up last week about how my life is going. It's been going... pretty much the same stuff, different day type of thing right now. Last week I didn't lose any weight on WW, but I also didn't gain anything, which I was pretty surprised to see. This week, however, it is another story. I barely counted points this week, and the days that I did, I went over by an average of 10 pts or so. I kinda thought that I may gain something, but I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I ended up gaining 2 lbs. I know that it doesn't sound like a lot, but since I had only lost a total of 2.4 lbs up to this point and then gained 2 back, it doesn't really say a whole lot about what I have been able to do. Luckily, today is the start of a new week, and I ended up finding some foods that I am hoping will help me stay on track better. Plus, I just need to start saying the word no when it comes to getting food at work, which is my biggest problem. I also bought a Kinect over the weekend with some dancing games, which apparently after one song can completely wear me out, and I am hoping to get Zumba for it as well. Hopefully that will get me up and moving around.

As for the more interesting parts of my life, I finished "The Girl Who Played With Fire" by Steig Larrson last week. This book is the second in the Millennium Trilogy and I can't tell you how badly I want to read the third one now that I have finished this one. Unlike the first book (which at least gave some sort of a closed ending), this book ends in a total cliffhanger. Just like the first one, it was a book that I could not put down and I got more engrossed in the book the further I got into it. I can't say enough what a phenomenal writer Steig Larrson was - I so wish there were more than just these three books to showcase his talent. So as excited as I am to get to the third book, there is a slight problem: I have promised myself that I will not get the third book until I get to my first weight loss goal, which is 10% of my starting body weight, which is about 17 lbs. Exactly my dilemma. I figure that as much as I want to read the third book, it has to give me some motivation to lose the weight. We will just have to see what happens.

I also saw the movie "Safe House" last night. This movie stars Denzel Washington as a former CIA agent that is now being targeted to be captured by the CIA and Ryan Reynolds as the housekeeper of a safe house is Cape Town, South Africa. It was a great movie in which Denzel does an amazing job as always and Ryan makes a more dramatic appearance compared to the comedy films that he usually does. It was engaging, thrilling, and full of lots of action. I was kind of apprehensive at the beginning of the movie because it took a little bit to figure out the storyline, which can sometimes be frustrating. But in this case, it fit with the movie perfectly fine. Plus, it sounds like there could be some interesting movies coming out soon: a new war movie that seems like it could be more of a documentary called "Act of Valor" and a comedy based on a tv show from the 80's called "21 Jump Street." Hopefully, I'll be catching those soon.

Peace and Love

Week 3 Over

So I gained back that .2 lbs I lost last week. I figured it would actually be more. I've been dealing with some kidney stone pain since about Thursday, at which time I felt so sick that I didn't both tracking my food. I did however start tracking it again today. Hopefully a loss is on it's way.

So I finally watched the Swedish version of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" yesterday. Definitely another great version of the movie - both movies that I have seen did a pretty good job of following the book and I have to admit that it was nice to be able to hear how some of the Swedish pronunciations came out - makes my reading more realistic if I can read it how it is actually pronounced. I'm currently working on reading the second book, at which point, I will probably watch the Swedish version of that movie as well. Not quite sure how long it will be before the 2nd American version comes out, but I don't think I can wait that long.

I found a new app on my Samsung Epic that I think is going to help me keep track of the number of books that I read this year. It's called Book Catalogue and I can actually just scan in the barcode of the book and sort it into a bookshelf that I aptly named 2012 so that I can see how many books I've read this year. Definitely pretty cool.

Peace and Love

Week 2 Over

So after having a pretty bad week this past week with my eating habits on WW, I didn't think I was going to lose anything. Turns out, I lost .2 lbs. Not a lot at all, but definitely better than gaining, which I thought might happen. So no matter, how small the loss, I'm happy to say that I had one. I'm definitely learning to eat healthier, and have become more aware of what I eat. I still eat things every once in a while that may have way more points than I can afford, but sometimes its worth it. I had my first burger from a fast food joint since I started WW last night, and it wasn't even something that was all that good. Kinda feels good to say that.

I did also recently finish the book "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson. I must say, it was a brilliant book. It was one of those books that I hated to put down to go to sleep every night and was one that I could read for hours on end. It provided beautiful writing and hours of enjoyment. I thought that after I saw the movie, at which point, I was almost to the middle of the book, that it wouldn't be a good read anymore. Boy was I wrong. The book was just as brilliant since there were differences between the book and the movie that made each interesting in its own way. This book is worth reading in every way possible - as Ralphie from "A Christmas Story" once imagined, I give this book an A++++++++

Peace and Love

Thoughts Floating...

Sometimes I feel as though the world surrounding me has overwhelmed my being. Thoughts continuously floating in and out of my mind, with no rhyme or reason attached to any of them. Things that makes sense and things that don't. Pain and happiness in a tug of war. Learning that it's possible to live with both. Sometimes, my emotions come out in ways I never thought possible, around people I never imagined would take notice. Feeling like my arms are stretched open wide, ready to embrace life; yet never having the faith in myself to reach for some of my dreams. Reality seems like an alternative. Wanting and ever more needing to accomplish something that makes me happy. Being told that I can't or won't because it just doesn't happen to people like me. Knowing that it would take more time and devotion than I have to give; yet, feeling the pull of gravity in the direction of my heart. Feeling freedom...finding me.